Stronger Than This: A Journey Into Quitting Smoking

No more smoking, that’s it.

Today is the day that I found the motivation to stop. I sickened myself to such a degree…only partially because of the health risks, although that’s a big part of it too, but simply because I will not let anything be stronger than me.

I have overcome a lot in my life. My father passed away at an early age, I have lived through a lot of stresses and overwhelming daily burdens, , I have built and sold companies, and I always looked for and somehow created balance. But the last few years smoking has been the mental crutch to “take the edge off” and help create some of the balance in my life, a justification that makes it easy to keep smoking, but still a crutch and not a long term solution to anything but an early death and the ongoing stink of being a smoker.

A little background…

I made it through most of my life never having any desire to smoke a cigarette. When I was a kid my parents smoked. When my mom washed my clothes and hung them to dry in the bathroom, she’d often smoke and make them smell like crap. That was enough to get me through 30 years of my life without smoking. However, at about the age of 18, I started smoking cigars socially. And ok, I’ll admit, sometimes often I’d smoke weed wrapped in these things! At some point after realizing that I inhale cigar smoke, which was horrible, at the age of 31, I chose the lesser of two evils and started smoking cigarettes. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Spending a lot of time in Indonesia where they chain smoke to no end, it was horribly easy to pick up and abuse the cigarette habit, and I got hooked in a way that I never expected. To this day, I have never smoked more than about half a pack a day or so, always trying to be somewhat conscious of my health. I think past of the justification was that I smoked less than “a real smoker”. But the nasty smell and feeling in my lungs, the fact that I disgusted my wife and she wouldn’t kiss or hug me after I smoked, the thought of what this was doing to my health and the health of my future children, and most of all the fact that this was controlling me and becoming stronger than me – all culminated in a mental commitment and decision to just stop – cold turkey. NOTHING IS STRONGER THAN ME!

I AM STRONGER THAN THIS!

I plan on updating the blog mainly with short video clips and ramblings about what I’m going through. It’s partially motivation for myself – hey I’m putting my dirty laundry out there and failing publicly would be som much worse than failing privately. So I will succeed at this! I always accomplish what I set my mind to, and this will be no different, albeit understandably difficult. So to those who know me, forgive me expected grumpiness for the next few weeks or months. And to those who don’t know me – I hope some of my motivation can rub off on you.

Nobody claims that cigarettes may kill you or may cause problems – they WILL cause problems and they WILL kill you. Non-smokers think smokers are crazy, they just don’t get it…we all understand the health risks, but the immediate satisfaction and extreme addicting nature of nicotine is really something amazing – amazingly horrible.

So, today is the first day of the rest of my life. It won’t be easy, but nothing in life is.

~ by strongerthanthis on February 21, 2008.

Posted in Smoking Cessation
Tags: Cancer, Health, Quit Smoking, Smoking, Smoking Cessation